Barstool Boyos – 25 September



A snake in the grass! That’s what!

Which politician are you on about now? You can be so harsh on them! It’s unfair! And it’s dreadful language!

I’m telling you, a SNAKE IN THE GRASS!

You’re offensive!

Rattling around, being sneaky, being slimy…slippery…hissing out of the corner of its mouth…

Hissing? Corner of mouth? Slippery? Ah, you’re not talking about a particular politician…it’s a spin doctor you have in mind! Still, not nice language!

NO! It’s not human!

Now you’ve really gone too far…

NO! It’s a REAL snake! Did you not hear? A boy in Offaly found a snake in the family garden!

Oh, really? I suppose it was inevitable.


Well, it’s a crazy world, just now.


Remember last week, the guys in the PEOPLE were all on about the phenomenon of ladders being used to see into GAA games…

I saw that!



Don’t you get it…SNAKES & LADDERS?

Oh dear. The sooner we get back to the local, the better…


(They pause to check their respective gardens for snakes)


So, when are we making the big comeback?

Oh, very soon!

When? I can’t wait much longer. I need a creamy pint! I need the ambience of the pub!

Be patient!

I’ve been patient for over six months!

We need to choose our evening wisely.

Fair enough!

We don’t want it to be too busy…or too quiet.

Agreed! Anyways, thank God they’re open again…the rural pubs.

Yeah, I’d say that farmer in Meath is happy about it too.


Did you not hear the news? A farmer in Meath discovered a rave was held on his land!

You’re joking!

No! He found hundreds of empty cans and bottles beside an old shed on his land…he reckons there were at least 100 young people there the night before!

That’s shocking! Maybe the snake in Offaly was escaping the rave in Meath!


Anyways, we need to be there!

At random raves in Meath? That’s irresponsible!

No! Back in our local…we need to be THERE. Raves are highly irresponsible. House parties too. A quiet pint in the local, with all guidelines adhered to, that’s perfectly fine!



(They pause to check their respective sheds for remnants of a rave; there was nothing suspicious)


What a great GAA weekend in Roscommon!

A credit to all concerned!

Congrats to all the winners in the men’s and ladies’ finals, and hard luck to the defeated teams.

They were all great, in such difficult times. Now, I’m off, we’ll chat in a day or two.

But wait! When are we going back?

The pub?


Well, I think The Man Who Knows Everything has resumed on Friday evenings, 7 pm to 9 pm.

So we should go in at 9.05?

But The Bore has already been spotted going in at 9 o’clock.


Look, we’ll go back very soon…when the time is right. We’ll pick our moment, then we’ll get into a routine.

I can’t wait! After all, we are the barstool boyos.

Well, we’re boyos, but there will be no barstools!

Oh yeah, I forgot!

By the way…


Just one more thing…


Just one more thing…as Columbo used to say all those years ago.


I thought St. Patrick had all those snakes banished from Ireland?