Barstool Boyos – 8th of October

‘Will there be any savings? Well, they’re hoping it will save all the backbenchers!’

Well, did you see Bob?

Huh?

Bob Geldof, on the Late Late! There was a 70th birthday tribute show!

Oh I heard it was on, but I couldn’t watch the Late Late on Friday night…I still haven’t recovered from the 2 Johnnies! What was it like?

Amazing. The Boomtown Rats. Andrea Corr. Dave Fanning.

Dave Fanning? Maybe it’s just as well I missed it, doesn’t sound that riveting, with respect! Just a love-in, I’m guessing?

Oh no, there was some serious chat…there was one very considered exchange…quite emotional too…

Well I did hear that Mannix Flynn and Mary Robinson were due to appear…

No, not them! When Dustin introduced Zig and Zag…

Oh for God’s sake!

 

(They pause briefly to check what night the Late Late Show is repeated)

 

Wow! Did you see the four guys doing their thing at Páirc Uí Chaoimh? Awesome!

Huh?

The four big names, the stars, the leaders…the…

Hurlers? Are Cork back in training?

No! It was the launch of…

Is it Garth Brooks and his band? Did they fly in overnight? Is Garth starting off in Páirc Uí Chaoimh?

NO! The four Irish lads. Did you not see the photos and footage of them on the pitch, launching…

Is it a new boy band?

NO! Micheál, Leo, Michael, Eamon!

That’s not very catchy for a boy band…

It’s not a boy band! Taoiseach! Tanaiste! Minister for Public Expenditure and…eh…the Minister for Transport, Climate, Environment and Communications!

Wow, sounds wild!

It was serious stuff…they launched a new National Development Plan!

 

(They pause briefly, to check what happened to the last National Development Plan)

 

Quite a Plan!

What’s it all about?

Life? I often wonder…but it’s great to…

NO! The National Development Plan!

Oh that! Well it’s very important…

Is it?

Yes, for the survival of the Government!

Go on…

It’s all about aspirations and projections and forecasts and visions.

Okay…

It will cost a few hundred billion…

Will there be any savings?
Well, they’re hoping it will save all the backbenchers!

Is it ambitious?

The backbenchers are!

Will it create jobs?

Yes, because the Government will need hundreds more spin doctors in the years ahead…when they have to start explaining all those missed targets!

Is there a Plan B if it doesn’t work out?

Yes…blame Brexit, the pandemic, the opposition, unforeseen circumstances, worldwide volatility…and the media!

Both: Well let’s wish it well!

 

(They pause to allow their growing cynicism to fade, replaced by cheerful thoughts and renewed promises to be more positive and generous of spirit)

 

I gotta go…it’s Sunday, and I’m off to Athleague to see the hurling!

Enjoy!

Before I go…I checked online. The Late Late is repeated on Monday nights…have a look!

Nah…

Nah? But…the Bob Geldof tribute?

Nah.

Is it Dave Fanning? Is it Zig and Zag? Go on, have a look!

Nah…it’s just…I don’t like Mondays.

Eh…tell me why?

Editor: Enough!