Barstool Boyos – 8th of January

It’s no pun for sub-editors as Donie steps down…

Well, my friend…did you have a nice Christmas?

A lovely one!

At least the turkey and ham was an old reliable in this most unusual of Christmasses…

That’s a mouthful…

Yeah, but turkey and ham is traditional, you’ve got to love it…

No, I don’t mean turkey is a mouthful, I mean ‘Christmasses’…THAT’S a mouthful…

Oh right…

Anyways, please don’t mention turkey, we’ve only just had the last of the sandwiches!

Christmas was so quiet. Let’s just say I wasn’t in the pub with my arms around a fella I hadn’t met in five years, talking sentimental ould stuff about our school days and singing The Fairytale of New York!

Yeah…that was the previous Christmas!

Exactly!

Hey, your kids are younger than mine…did Santa come?

Yeah, of course…

How did that go?

Just great! An hour searching for batteries. Two hours trying to set up passwords/assemble toys. Later, an hour charging items, cursing the WiFi and putting empty boxes and packaging away.

Ah, that’s the great thing about Christmas Day…so relaxing!

Yeah…right!

I mean, I enjoyed just chatting to my wife and children, catching up, no pressures, everyone at home…didn’t you guys get a chance to just lounge around and…eh…chill?

Oh yeah, at one point all of us were seated in our living room…

Lovely! Ideal for communication!

Yeah…three of us on our smartphones, one on a laptop, others with headphones!

 

(They pause, because pauses are a feature of Zoom calls)

 

Sport brightened our lives over this difficult Christmas…

Absolutely!

One story dominated the week before Christmas…

Yeah.

It’s actually boring now, for many of us.

Mmmn, boring, but serious.

I mean, you couldn’t turn the telly or radio on without it dominating…

Yeah.

Where will it end? Will it EVER end?

Mmnn…

The numbers just keeping rising.

I know, I know.

What is it now? Six? I mean, does anyone outside of Dublin care?

Huh?

Dublin’s six-in-a-row before Christmas…boring!

I thought you were talking about the Covid numbers!

Nah…

Anyways, I think you have to admire that Dublin team. They’re sensational.

Ah yeah, true…I’ll withdraw my ‘boring’ jibe. THEY’RE not boring, but the fact that they win every year IS kind of boring…

Well at least the Rossies are in the money!

Huh?

The Win a Home in London Draw raised over €900,000 for Roscommon football.

Yeah, brilliant!

And I see where Donie Shine has retired…

Ah, he was a good one.

A lot of defenders will be happy he’s gone…

A few people will be sad too. Like newspaper sub-editors!

Huh?

‘Donie Shines again’. ‘Rossies Shine as Donie stars’. ‘Donie to Shine this summer?’

I get it!

 

(They pause to reflect on some of Donie’s outstanding performances over the years).

 

Hey, do you think the Editor will keep us going?

Wha’?

Well, with the pubs not being open, I thought he might retire us…

Oh, no way! He told me himself!

Great! Why? Because we’re brilliant? We always meet the deadline? We’re lovable? Entertaining? Irreplaceable?

Eh..no…because he needs us to fill up some space!

Both: HAPPY NEW YEAR, STAY SAFE!