Barstool Boyos – 8th of April

Back on track: But was it really the real Enda Kenny?

Hey! Did you see the two guys on TV the other night? They were SO funny!

Eh…which two guys?

A real double-act! The really thin guy, and then the other chap…he acts a bit important and flutters his eyelids and even throws the odd ‘fun’ punch!

Ah…timeless! Laurel & Hardy! Love them!

No, NOT LAUREL & HARDY! Two Irish greats! It was just so relaxed, so effortless, so funny…just two guys…eh…joshing!

Was it Bernard and Marty….AGAIN?

No, Ryan and Enda!

TUBS AND KENNY! Oh yeah, I saw THAT…but that wasn’t really Enda Kenny!

Oh it was …now I know he looked a bit different, but in fairness, we could all do with a haircut just now…

No, I don’t mean his appearance! The way he went on…in the interview. It wasn’t REALLY Enda. It couldn’t have been!

Huh?

It was Mario Rosenstock, or maybe Oliver Callan, or that new guy – Conor Moore. I bet that’s who it was, Conor Moore!

No, it actually WAS Enda…

But, but…the silly chat, the half-jokes, the awkward silences…the odd refusal to answer direct questions, the over the top name-dropping about Joe Biden…it was obviously a comedy routine, wasn’t it? That wasn’t the real Enda, surely?

That WAS the real Enda!

 

(They pause in solemn solidarity with all people all over the world who are patiently waiting for haircuts)

 

Ah, he was a great ould Taoiseach in his day…

Eh, had good points and bad points…sad to see him down on his luck…

Oh no, he’s not down on his luck, Enda’s doing fine!

Well, actually, I saw him on TV again the other night…defo the real Enda…and he was cycling everywhere!

Huh?

Enda. On TV on MONDAY night. A real fall. Not only has he lost the chauffeur and the other trappings of Government, he hasn’t even got his own car. Very sad!

No, no…you don’t understand…

Huh?

He was on a bike for a reason…

Yeah, to get around!

But it was a documentary….

I know…about Enda falling on hard times!

No, no…and I’m sure he has a car…for longer distances!

No, that’s the thing! It was all bikes and trains! I tell you, he’s fallen from the heights!

Look…Enda is doing a documentary on rail travel!

The real Enda?

Yes, the real Enda!

Not Mario, or Oliver, or Conor?

No…THE REAL ENDA!

 

(They pause to marvel as sunshine gives way to sleet)

 

So…

I expect he’ll be on The Sunday Game next.

Who?

Enda.

Why?

Well he’s big into sport…very sporty, is Enda!

Yeah, but why would he be on The Sunday Game?

Well, there’s precedent! Bertie did a stint as a soccer pundit, remember?

Yeah…once…

And Charlie, Lord rest him, he won the Tour de France…

He didn’t actually win it, he just shared the podium with Stephen Roche…

Whatever.

So your point is?

Well, now that he’s into TV presenting, I can see Enda on The Sunday Game. He had a lot to say on the Late Late about the Dublin players training in defiance of lockdown…

True. Mind you, we’ll hardly see him as a pundit for the Masters this weekend….

Why?

‘Cos he had nothing at all to say about Golfgate!