Barstool Boyos – 3rd of December

I was joking… I would NEVER miss the Late Late Toy Show! 

So, did you remember the Late Late Toy Show?

Of course! I had my mobile send me a reminder!

Ah great…

So it buzzed at 9.30 on the dot! I knew then that it was time to…

Switch to RTE 1?

NO…to go to the pub! I couldn’t watch THAT!

 

(Boyo 1 pauses to ponder if Boyo 2 has crossed a line, breached an unwritten ‘Irish’ code, committed an act of heinous treachery for which there can never be forgiveness…)

 

I DON’T BELIEVE IT!

Huh?

You went to the pub…instead of watching the Toy Show?

Of course!

But that’s a form of sacrilege! There are certain unwritten rules that Irish people the world over MUST adhere to…

Huh?

Talking about the immersion. The full Irish. Standing up for the National Anthem in a pub. Mixing with opposition supporters before and after a GAA match. Soda bread. Being kind of proud of Bono but never admitting it. Being obsessed with the craic. Watching the Toy Show…

Relax! I WAS watching it!

Phew!

 

(They pause to check how many days are ‘left’ before Christmas and resume their conversation after some brief panic)

 

I’m glad you watched it!

Yeah, I was joking…I would NEVER miss the Late Late Toy Show! Did you see that cheeky young lad on the show?

Ryan? I suppose sometimes he’s just TOO MUCH!

Not Ryan…the Ed Sheeran moment!

You think Ed’s cheeky?

No! There was a group of kids singing WITH Ed…and one of them said ‘Sure I’m sick of that song, I’ve heard it a billion times, my mum is always playing it!’

Are you sure they were his EXACT words?

Well, something like that!

Ah that was a lovely moment…such a charming kid!

Agreed!

 

(They pause to check their Lotto numbers, and end up cursing their luck, destiny and Bernard Durkan)

 

I see the legend is gone!

Huh?

The old guy…the veteran, he’s hanging up his boots!

Is it Clint Eastwood?

NO!

Surely not Cliff Richard?

NO!

Ah…hanging up his boots! That’s a clue…is it Zlatan Ibrahimović? Well, he IS 40!

NO!

Ronaldo? Has he gone berserk after being put on the subs’ bench? Is he joining Keano on the Sky panel?

NO! Closer to home! A veteran GAA star is hanging up his inter-county boots!

Ah yes…Cathal Cregg! What a player! Those long, loping runs into the opposing half of the field… close control, power, strength, an ability to slot over a quality score, could take a goal too…what a player!

What a player, what a servant, what a career!

He leaves with the best wishes of Rossies all over the world ringing in his ears…

 

(They pause to dreamily reflect on some of those inspirational Cathal Cregg performances in a Roscommon jersey)

 

WHAT?

Ah I was just saying…in some respects he reminds me of myself…

Who? The adorable/cheeky kid? Ryan? Ed? 

NO!

WHO reminds you of yourself?

Cathal Cregg!

Huh?

As a player, I was quite similar to him!

YOU WEREN’T!

I WAS! Like Cathal, I made myself available to successive Roscommon managers for over 15 years…it’s their loss that they never selected me!