Barstool Boyos – 26th of August

Best days of our lives…but was it a school you went to, or an animal farm?

Three words…that always stop me in my tracks!

Huh?

Three very, very stark words!

OUT OF COFFEE? Is it when you run out of coffee?

NO!

‘Bernard and Marty’? Is it Bernard and Marty? You’re not still going on about their TV adventures, are you?

NO!

‘Over to George Lee’?

NO!

You like him now?

No, that was four words!

Oh! So what are these three words that stop you in your tracks?

BACK TO SCHOOL!

Oh, THAT!

 

(They pause to calculate at what time they will need to leave home in the mornings with their children, taking into account ongoing roadworks and general realignment-related stuff in Roscommon Town)

 

Yeah, back to school…

But they were the best days of our lives!

Yeah, I suppose…it’s just the build-up can be stressful…

What, did you have to go and buy some school gear in the middle of a Premier League game? Poor you!

Were you talking to my wife?

YEP!

 

(They pause to sketch out three possible routes to school next week, taking into account the ongoing roadworks in Roscommon Town; these will be reviewed on a daily basis)

 

Ah they WERE great days…

Yeah…are your memories happy ones?

Oh yeah, there was a great bunch in my class…there was Rasher Reilly…

Okay…

And Sausage Joe…

Right…

And Rabbit Tony…

Okay…

And Horse Higgins…

One question…

Yeah?

Was it a school you went to, or an animal farm?

Ah now, there’s no need for sarcasm! Everyone had a nickname in those days. There was no harm in it. Different times and all that…

Sure!

The main thing is, we had good fun!

Sure we made our own fun!

Exactly!

Mind you, they were tough times. We walked five miles to school every day!

Oh sure we were barefoot in the summer!

You weren’t!

Okay, well that was my parents, I just took a little bit of licence there!

Next thing you’ll be telling me you had to bring turf with you…for the school fire!

Well, my father did!

Yeah, mine too!

What’s more, my father’s father had to wear his sister’s dress to school!

In those days, toddlers took what they got! It was the golden era of hand-me-downs!

No Penneys…

Pennies? They hadn’t a farthing to spare some days!

 

(They pause to wonder how they would have fared if Continuous Assessment applied in their day)

 

Changed times!

Unreal!

Our parents had to go up to the school fireplace and put a log on…now our kids just sit in front of a laptop and log on!

Love it!

Our parents walked barefoot to school…now some children drive to secondary school!

Love it!

Our parents got the cane, in fact WE got the cane, now our children discuss Citizen Kane!

Brilliant, keep them coming!

Our parents…

Hold it! I’m not sure Citizen Kane has been on the school curriculum….

Oh Wells, I took licence again…

You mean oh well…

No…as in oh Orson Wells…

Oh dear.

Anyways, my advice is, do a checklist: Books, bag, uniform…

Yeah…and calculator…

Calculator?

Yeah, to work out precisely how long it will take to navigate those Roscommon Town streets and actually get to the school!