Barstool Boyos – 24th of September

Is he coming to Roscommon? We could write a song for the great man!

Is he coming here? Will there be tickets on sale in Casey’s? Will he call into the Roscommon People office? He’ll be on the front page, won’t he? Will…

Will you stop! I can’t keep up with you! Is WHO coming?

GB! Is he coming to Roscommon?

Who? Who is GB?

The big celebrity!

Let me guess…a celebrity coming to Roscommon…initials ‘G’ and ‘B’…is it the actor, Gabriel Byrne? His mother was from Elphin. Not a lot of people know that! Is it Gabriel?

No, it’s the man with the distinctive hat/cap…he brings a message of simplicity, capturing country life in all its highs and lows! He’s revered in Ireland! He…

Distinctive cap? Revered here? Captures country life with his message of simplicity…is it Michael Healy-Rae?

No! I said GB…GB…it’s Garth Brooks!

Oh, HIM! I’m sick of HIM!

 

(Unknown to one another, they both hear the words of ‘If Tomorrow Never Comes’ over and over again in their heads)

 

So…is HE coming HERE?

Wha’?

Garth! Will he come to Roscommon?

Don’t be silly!

Oh don’t rule it out!

Huh?

I’ve heard reports that he’s coming to Croke Park next year!

Yeah, yeah, we know…

…and Nowlan Park!

Okay…

And Páirc Uí Chaoimh…

Alright…

And Thomond Park.

So?

So…they’re all top GAA parks…why not Hyde Park?!

Well…

Well, what!

A concert in the Hyde?

We had The Beach Boys here once!

True!

Garth in the Hyde…it would be FUN, FUN, FUN! As the Beachboys sang!

Yeah…but I’m still sick of him! How dare he play up the way he did in 2014!

Oh let bygones be bygones! Take it on the chin. In life, you can’t win if you can’t take it on the chin!

Is that one of his hits? It sounds like one!

No, but you’ve given me a great idea. We could write a song for Garth! We could be the new Lennon & McCartney! A songwriting team!

Like the Bee Gees!

Yeah, BGs for GB!

Wha’?

 

(They pause to compare notes on how many mutual friends they have in low places)

 

I had another of my strange Covid dreams…

Go on…

A man who was working in a coal mine fell in love with a rich neighbour’s daughter. They were banned from meeting up by her strict parents. So they’d meet in secret. He’d serenade her on a horse, playing the banjo…

The horse could play the banjo?

No, the man was sitting on the horse while playing the banjo. The woman loved it. They planned to run away and live happily ever after.

Run away? So they weren’t going to bring the horse?

Please!

And?

Unfortunately, he tripped over the banjo, fell into the mines and was trapped…that’s when I woke up.

Oh dear. Working in a coal mine. Forbidden love. Serenading. A horse. A banjo. A mishap. Uncertainty about how it ends…what a beautiful, yet sad story…

Yeah, but perfect material for a song for Garth! Let’s get pen to paper!