Barstool Boyos – 23rd of October

Sunday night


Chin up!

But…I’m crestfallen!

Well, we’re ALL feeling a bit low, but we need to rally together.

You don’t understand…I just…MISS HIM!

I know, I know, what you need is someone to listen to you…and I’m a good listener.

Thank you, like I say, I MISS HIM!

Wha’? Miss who? Sorry, I wasn’t listening!

MISS WHO???!!! Haven’t you heard? It’s been three or four days, maybe a week since he’s been seen…

AH, HIM! That’s just a belated silly season media story. You can’t be up to the media!

You don’t understand, he hasn’t been seen for days…

Media hype!

No, there’s been NO confirmed sightings!

You really like him, don’t you?

Yes! Do you remember that day we saw him in the flesh?

Yes, I do! In fairness, he is very entertaining.

He’s hilarious! He lifts the entire nation with his antics!

I know…but it’s a distraction, it’s silly stuff, we need to knuckle down and deal with Level 5…

I can’t help it! I MISS HIM!

You do realise he’s been in deep water lately…he’s been floundering…metaphorically drowning…little wonder he’s gone to ground….

He HASN’T been metaphorically drowning! He has great resilience, he has energy, he’s invincible!

Boy, you really are a fan…

Yes, I am! And it’s really worrying that he’s missing. He hasn’t been seen in public for several days now. Life’s not the same without his playful performances…his trampoline-like leaps, his flights of fancy!

I know, I know…love that trampoline reference, by the way!

I MISS HIM! Where is he?

Maybe he’s just lying low…keeping his head down, waiting for the choppy waters to settle…for the er…waves of frustration to crash against the…er…beach of tranquillity.

Maybe…but I…



You really do love the Big D!

Well, he just makes me happy…

Amazing…how much joy a dolphin can bring into one’s life…

A dolphin?

You are talking about Fungie…Dingle’s famous dolphin?

NO! I’m talking about the Big D…Stephen Donnelly, the Minister for Health! He hasn’t been seen for days!

Oh, sorry…




He’s safe and well…he’s been spotted…as entertaining as ever!

Who? Fungie?

No, Stephen Donnelly! He was on with Claire Byrne last night…

Oh, never mind that. What did you think of the Rossies?

Brilliant! The team played great!

We’re heading back into Division One…

Yeah, hopefully the fans too!


(They pause to reflect on these strangest of times)


What do you miss most?

Normality. Social interaction. I was thinking how nice it would be to be able to go to Mass and sit near the back of the Church and see my neighbours and friends, a communal gathering…normal life.

I know what you mean. We want Mass back, sport back with spectators…hotels, bars and restaurants to bubble with atmosphere again.

Agreed! And I’m heartbroken for local businesses that have to shut again.

We need to be positive. We need to be strong. We will definitely come through this.

Let’s take on Level 5 with a united Rossie spirit!

Yes, we can do this! We will rise again!

Both: Like Fungie!