Barstool Boyos 22nd of October

That old charmer…boldly going where no man has gone before!

Wow! It’s out of this world!

What? The price of fuel?

No! That guy…I can’t believe what he’s up to now! He NEVER ceases to amaze me!

Mattie McGrath, is it? Is it Deputy Mattie McGrath? What’s he gone and done now?

No! The old guy with the grin and the magical charm…

Okay, so it’s not Mattie McGrath then…

I mean, he’s kind of gone too far this time…especially at his age! He’s just gone TOO FAR!

So it IS Mattie McGrath?

It’s actually out of this world!

Yeah, you said!

He’s pushing the limits, he’s like Superman!

So it’s definitely NOT Mattie McGrath…

When I first saw him, his whole thing was fiction…

So it IS Mattie McGrath?

He used to talk about exploring strange new worlds…

Well I know for a fact that he went on constituency tours with the Healy-Raes…

He talked of boldly going where no man has gone before…

So it IS Mattie! He taunts and rises Leo and Stephen Donnelly and the two Simons like NOBODY ELSE!

Will you stop talking about Mattie McGrath! I’m talking about yer man…he’s out of this world! He’s gone from the safety of everything he’s ever known to a new place, to the darkness, to the unknown!

Is it Marc MacSharry? Didn’t he leave Fianna Fáil? Am I getting warm?

NO!

 

(They pause – briefly – to recite some of Marc and Mattie’s greatest sayings)

 

Don’t you follow the news?

Yeah…

Did you not see him…spinning like crazy…

Spinning like crazy? Ah, it’s Leo! Is it Leo?

No, not political spin! I’m talking about William Shatner…spinning around in space!

Ah, William…

Yes, WILLIAM SHATNER! The 90-year-old legend of Star Trek! The man who played Captain Kirk! He’s gone into space!

Oh, THAT!

Yes, THAT!

Oh yeah, I knew all about that alright…

Well why were you going on about Mattie McGrath?

I dunno, I just assumed…then again, it’s a long way to space…

It’s a long way to Tipperary too.

Editor: Enough!

 

(They pause to watch the title sequence of the original Star Trek on YouTube) 

 

Let’s get back down to earth! What a great win for Athleague!

Huh?

The hurling…

Oh yeah, it was a cracker. Hard luck to Tremane, but Athleague deserved it.

And Rory’s back!

Yes, what a great win! 25 under! Amazing!

And the Creggs Harvest Festival is back!

Okay! That’s great too!

And nightclubs are back!

Yeah, or even Woo hoo! Eh…

Yeah?

Is William Shatner back?

Yes, of course he’s back! It all went well!

What a man!

Yep! There’s NOTHING he can ever do that will surpass this!

Well, he could sign up for Fianna Fáil in Sligo-Leitrim…