Barstool Boyos – 22nd of December

That 8 pm closing, contract talks…and a Happy Christmas to all!

Well, that was a nice night out…

Night?

Huh?

A nice night?

I don’t follow…

We’re home from the pub…and Eastenders is barely over! Can’t exactly call it a night!

Oh yeah, that!

I mean, it’s ridiculous!

I know!

When we went to the pub, the Six One News had just started…

Yeah…

And last orders were called while Coronation Street was on…

Yeah…

And now we’re home, and like I said, Eastenders is barely over!

I know…

What are we to do?

Well, when we finish this phone call, I guess I’ll watch the Nine O’Clock News…

But that’s usually the same news as they show at six o’clock…

Not tonight. Tonight they’ll lead with footage of pubs closing at 8 o’clock!

That’s hardly going to lift my mood, is it?

Spose not!

Well, it’s a crazy world…rural pubs that usually don’t open until 5,6,7,8 or 9 o’clock now having to close at 8!

I know…certainly makes it apt that we’re listening to that dramatic closing theme music of Eastenders!

By the way, is spose a word?

Dunno!

Is ‘dunno’ a word!

Dunno! Spose it is – by now!

We’ll have to check with our old friend…The Man Who Knows Everything!

Yeah…some evening before 8 o’clock!

(They pause to check if there are any more Boris Johnson party stories)

So, January will be a big month for us!

Huh?

Decision time!

Huh?

Those contract talks…with the Editor! About our column!

Oh yeah!

We need to play hardball! Leave it with me!

I assume we want to continue writing this column every week?

Just leave the negotiations with me!

What have you in mind?

Well…apart from our fee, we need some perks!

An open tab in our local, for starters!

Great idea! So the Editor sets up an account for us in our local?

Exactly! And generous travel expenses, that’s essential! As in our taxi fare covered! And I may also insist on the odd restaurant review!

Huh?

The Editor pays us to attend restaurants and review the food!

Love it! Have you had much success with the financial side of contract negotiations in the past?

Well I negotiated our current contract!

Oh no! (Hums dramatic closing theme music of Eastenders).

(They pause to compare notes as to how advanced they are with their Christmas shopping; both of them break into a cold sweat)

Let’s wish a Happy Christmas to all our readers!

Yep! And Happy Christmas to all frontline workers!

And Happy Christmas to anyone who’s lonely, in despair, feeling sad or lost.

Yes…and a gentle reminder to them that there’s help available. And a reminder to all our readers to please reach out to family, friends, neighbours….by phone, email, social media, in person (respecting Covid-19 guidelines)…please look out for anyone who may be sad, lonely, etc.

Once again we’re showing resilience in tough times…now let’s look out for one another…stay safe…spend time with family…and here’s to better times in the New Year.

Both: Yes, here’s to good times. HAPPY CHRISTMAS!