Barstool Boyos – 19th of March

The €9m question: What are we wow-ing about THIS week?

Wow!

Yeah, wow!

I mean…WOW!

Eh…what are we wow-ing about THIS week?

All that money…yahoo!

Great!

Yeah…

Eh…how much?

€9.2m.

Who won it? Is it the lotto? It’s not you, is it? You wouldn’t have answered my call if it was, would you? Tell me…

No! It’s the town! The county town! It’s been allocated €9.2m in funding!

Wow!

Yeah, that’s what I said at the beginning!

 

(They pause to calculate how long it would take to count out €9.2m in one euro coins; they give up very quickly)

 

What will we talk about now?

Well, I was just wondering…what’s it all about?

I know…I often wonder about that too. What is life all about? Wasn’t it Joxer in Juno and the Paycock who asked ‘What is the stars, what is the stars?’ I mean, what is the universe all about, even? Still, it’s such a privilege to be alive and…

No, not what’s IT all about! Not what’s life all about! Life’s great! Well, it is normally! Not quite so great at the moment! I meant what’s the ‘€9.2m for Roscommon’ all about?

Oh, THAT! Well, there’s going to be cycle lanes and walkways and a new Civic Square – and lots more!

Great!

Yeah! Hey…you know that political career you’re toying with?

Eh…yeah.

Maybe you’ll be Mayor – or Cathaoirleach – when it’s completed, and you can cut the tape!

Count me in!

 

(They pause, in order to facilitate their ghostwriter)

 

So my friend, how are you finding March?

Better than January…probably better than February too!

Have you done much?

Oh, let me see…my wife and I had a weekend in New York; since we came back, it’s just been the odd trip to the restaurant; I had a few pints in one of our locals; a coffee here and there during the day; took a day trip to Dublin; visited family and friends; went to a few matches…

Yeah, I know, I know…silly question! We couldn’t even go to a St. Patrick’s Day Parade!

Yeah…at least it removed the annual indecision…as to which of the excellent local parades to go go!

Did you watch Ireland v Scotland?

Of course I watched Ireland v Scotland!

Our local man excelled – again! That’s Robbie Henshaw!

Yeah. And did YOU watch the golf from Florida?

Of course I did! And our local man excelled – again! That’s Shane Lowry!

He reminds me so much of myself!

What? I’ve never seen you play. Is it his driving? His short game? His touch around the greens? I’m impressed…

Oh no, nothing to do with his golf. Just his casual demeanour, his sense of humour, the fact that he doesn’t take himself too seriously…

Okay. Actually, Robbie Henshaw reminds me of MYSELF.

Oh really? I never knew you played rugby. Is it his skill? His engine? His deceptive pace? His…

No, nothing to do with rugby, I just lived in Athlone for a while.

 

(They pause to wonder how much more silly their chat can get)

 

Hey, I never asked you last week…did you watch Harry and Meghan with Oprah?

Of course!

Really? I didn’t realise you’re a fan of the Royals…

Nah, not really, it’s just that Harry reminds me of myself…

Both: Oh just stop it!