Here you come again…Dolly, Joe and…Sam?
Is it okay?
Okay to mention the B word?
No, not Brexit…
Bob Dylan? Banks? Brendan O’Carroll? Nah, not in the mood for ANY B words…
Actually, its B..B…
BB King? Oh that’s alright…
No! Blonde Bombshell…is it…eh…politically correct?
Oh I have no idea! Anyways, what blonde bombshell?
Why did you use lower case letters when I used capitals?
It’s just…I saw the Blonde Bombshell on TV the other night…so impressive, as ever. So attractive, so measured, so captivating…
BORIS? IS IT BORIS?
No, not Boris!
Is Miriam blonde? Is it Miriam O’Callaghan?
NO! Dolly Parton! Didn’t you see Dolly? On the Late Late?
Oh yeah, I saw Dolly alright.
(They pause to hum The Coat of Many Colours)
70 odd years, you know…
Since Mayo won Sam…yeah!
No, Dolly, she’s over 70!
Maybe she could inspire Mayo on Saturday…in the All-Ireland final.
Well, she’s resilient, she’s courageous, she never gives up, she’s a country giant!
Hope you’re right…
Do you think Mayo can win?
It’s gonna be VERY difficult…but you never know! 15 against 15, bit of luck, destiny…you never know!
(They pause to list all the All-Ireland football title winners since 1951, but get stuck on 1952)
Have you all your Christmas presents bought?
Yeah, I’ve MY presents bought, but I haven’t bought for anyone else – yet!
Don’t be fussy…about me.
Online or in person?
I’ll buy in person, or if I do shop online, it will be from local stores!
It’s been a tough year.
We’re getting through it.
People have pulled together.
(They pause to rhyme off the hits of Dolly Parton, and get stuck after Jolene…)
If Dolly doesn’t inspire Mayo, maybe Joe will?
Joe Duffy? Nah, he’s an out and out Dub!
Not Joe Duffy, JB! The big guy!
Joe Brolly? Too unpredictable! Actually, he just loves the Dubs!
Not, not that JB!
Joe Biden! Isn’t the incoming President of the United States a Mayo man?
You’re ruling out The Donald…
Wha’? Trump’s not from Mayo…
No, I mean you think he’s finished…
Of course he’s finished!
Both: For now!
(They pause to count how many people Donald Trump sacked in the White House, but get stuck after 35…)
The greatest Christmas present of all for Mayo people would be…SAM!
An All-Ireland final in December…on a Saturday! Amazing!
Too bad we can’t watch it in the local!
Those days will come again…
Can Mayo do it?
Maybe Joe Biden and Dolly Parton will inspire our neighbours to victory!
You will be watching it obviously?
Yeah…of course! Oh, hold on! I’m working on Saturday, what time is throw-in?
I’m…er…working 9 to 5!