Barstool Boyos – 15th of October

‘I thought I’d recorded the Budget…but it was the Kardashians’

So…I’ve been busy…analysing the Budget.

Why so?

Because I haven’t ruled out making a political run!

Yeah, right! So, brief me…

Well, firstly, I recorded every single current affairs programme…Prime Time, the News, the Tonight Show, Claire Byrne…

Brilliant! And what was your reaction when you watched the recordings back?

Dismay.

Why?

Because, by mistake, I had recorded Only Fools and Horses, Come Dine with Me and Keeping Up with the Kardashians…

You got none of the Budget analysis?

Zero!

What did you do?

Well, I watched Fools and Horses – it was the one with the chandelier – and two episodes of the Kardashians.

What a fiasco! It must have been upsetting for you!

Yes, Kim was being a right pain. Khloe had attitude too. But I don’t take them seriously, I can kind of detach myself from it emotionally…

Not the Kardashians! I mean it must have been upsetting that you didn’t record the Budget analysis!

Well, it was a bit, I was looking forward to seven hours of Paul Murphy, Paschal Donohoe, Bríd Smith and Michael McGrath!

I can imagine!

Yeah! I’m all over the place now. A surreal day or two!

Don’t let it get to you. They’re not real people, not like you and me. They’re pampered, overpaid, obsessed with image…

In fairness, some of those socialist TDs don’t take their full wage…

Not the politicians, the Kardashians!

 

(They pause to take breath, and in the faint hope that this silliness will come to a natural end)

 

It’s difficult you know…trying to please everyone, to satisfy all tastes.

Come Dine with Me? But that’s part of the fun!

No, not THAT! The Budget!

Oh sure that’s only showbiz!

Huh?

It’s cosmetic. They add a bit here, take off a bit there.

No, the Budget is very important! It impacts on ordinary people, ordinary lives! I even did my own case studies!

Oh like ‘Couple in their 30s with two children’…how does Budget 2022 impact on them?

Exactly! Well, I was a bit more specific. I selected a couple in their 30s with two children…

Okay…

…from his first marriage, and two that they had together…

So four children?

…plus one from her first marriage…

Five children?

Living in a large home…

Two-storey?

Well, dormer…

Okay…

But with a two-storey extension…

Is that it?

And two grandparents living there…

His or her parents?

Neither, just two local grandparents that they’ve rented the extension to.

Oh for God’s sake!

And a small dog…

PUP?

Well, the man was on the PUP but he’s back working now.

I meant is it a pup! Now is THAT it?

One car, two bikes, he smokes, she drinks, occasionally she smokes and he drinks, they like to eat out, but mostly in the garden, but less so since the elderly tenants moved in…

THAT’S ENOUGH! How have they been affected by Budget 2022?

Oh no change.

NO CHANGE! After all THAT?

Well they’ve been thinking of changing the car…they might go electric…