So, my friend, what have you learnt from lockdown?
About life? About what matters? About how other countries have dealt with Covid? About pandemics? About science? About our health workers? About political leadership?
Well, yes…all of that…plus…eh, my list.
Yes, my list of things I’ve learnt during lockdown!
1: Every house needs two fridges.
A fridge for the children, and a separate, private, secret fridge for the parents. Our fridge was only ever briefly well stocked during lockdown; within moments, it began to mysteriously lose items!
Got you! Go on…
2: Baking and cooking…they’re so much more important than I realised!
All summer, in our house at least, it was baking, baking, baking!
You’re a dab hand?
No, not me! Well, I am taking lessons! Buns, I’m working on buns! But moreso my wife, our children! It’s non-stop!
They never took a break?
Well, usually in the evenings…
To watch My Kitchen Rules, or repeats of Gordon Ramsay, or repeats of The Restaurant, or…God forbid…
Come Dine With Me?
Loud, offensive, a caricature of real cooking…
No! Come Dine With Me!
You’re just a snob!
(They pause, to muse about life)
Number 3? On your list?
Social media – it’s brilliant!
But you used to give out about it…said you could barely use a smartphone!
Oh, I’m still a novice, but I appreciate it more now…I could listen to music when I went for walks, I even took part in ZOOM chats!
The birds! The singing of the birds! During lockdown, I learnt to appreciate nature more!
Agreed! Lovely to hear that gentle humming in the morning…
Ryan Tubridy? Yeah…
No, the birds!
Oh yes, the birds!
And what did you miss most?
Easy…live sport. TV became unbearable…too many repeats. I even ended up missing Eastenders and Coronation Street…almost!
Well, Fair City’s coming back!
And what were your political highlights…what stood out for you over peak lockdown?
Oh! There were so many examples of great political leadership…I have a separate list for that!
In reverse order…5: Boris boasting that he shook hands with people who had Covid-19; 4: Almost every utterance by President Trump; 3: Eamon Ryan falling asleep during a debate on low-paid workers; 2: Danny Healy-Rae saying “the virus doesn’t know if you’re eating with your pint or not”; 1: Barry Cowen-gate.
We’re blessed, with such leadership! NOT! I’ve said it all along, my friend…YOU need to go into politics!
On the contrary, you’ve been slow to support me!
Well, maybe I’ve changed my mind during lockdown. I can see you are the voice of reason! So, in the New Year, you need to mount a political campaign!
THIS TIME…will you commit? Will you be my strategist?
Brilliant! We’ll set up a new party…the PPP! The post-pandemic party!
We’ll have a launch!
Cheese & wine?
Yeah…and you can trial your buns!