Barstool Boyos – 12th of November

Bleary-eyed Boris, Sleepy Joe, Eamon

Ryan, Susan Boyle and Rod Stewart…

I’ve always had a soft spot for Scotland!

Me too! Kenny Dalglish, Billy Connolly, Sir William Wallace!

That poet, Robert Burns!

Yes!

I was in his house once!

Really? I knew you were getting on, but are you that old? What was he like?

Not when he was alive! It’s been made into a tourist attraction!

Okay! Then there’s Jackie Stewart, Sir Alex Ferguson, Sheena Easton, Robbie Coltrane…

Sheena Easton! Oh come on, what about THE greatest Scottish singer!

Susan Boyle?

NO! Rod Stewart! Anyways, the point is, WE have a soft spot for Scotland!

Yes! But why are we talking about Scotland?

Well, I was just glad to see Scotland getting the big gig over the past week or so. There are thousands of people in Glasgow for Cop26! Great for their economy!

Oh yeah…what a turnout!

Mind you, the atmosphere’s not great…

Even with thousands of people from all over the world gathered in the one city?

Yep, atmosphere not great!

Oh dear. So what’s it all about?

They’re trying to save the world!

The Scots?

No, not just the Scots! The international community! Cop26 is all about the fight against climate change.

That’s what I thought!

(They pause, initially to draw breath, then to hum Rod Stewart’s greatest hits)

So that’s it then…good old Bonnie Scotland!

Well at least it’s a novelty to see so many political superstars under the one roof!

Are we talking about the Dáil now…or are we still on Cop26?

Cop26!

Good! Yeah, I saw Boris Johnson and Joe Biden and…

Eamon Ryan too!

I thought he couldn’t go!

No, he made it in the end!

He’s not a world leader, he has nothing in common with Boris and Joe!

Actually he has…

What?

You may recall that Sleepy Joe was caught napping at Cop26…

Okay…

And Bleary-eyed Boris was also photographed grabbing 40 winks…

Or (copping) 26 winks…

Well our own Eamon started that trend when he fell asleep in the Dáil last year!

He denies it!

By the way, didn’t the world leaders and their entourages arrive in Scotland in private jets? And then travel to the conference centre in big limos?

I know…

So doesn’t that mean…

…that they’re pumping thousands of tonnes of CO2 into the atmosphere!

That’s not good! Hypocrisy!

I know…that’s what I mean…not a good atmosphere!

(They pause to ponder if the Editor will permit such a weak effort at wordplay)

Anyways, big issues in fairness…climate change, billions of euro, the intransigence of some of the world’s biggest countries, conflicting scientific opinion, protestors, the very fate of the world…we need to take these matters seriously. You need to stop dumbing down! Do you have any pressing questions AT ALL?

Eh…

Well?

What was Robert Burns’ house like?