According to impeccable Roscommon People sources, Kim Jong Un is said to be “devastated” at speculation that he may not get to meet Deputies Shane Ross, John Halligan and Finian McGrath.
The trio have been planning to travel to North Korea to meet the great leader – essentially to try and save the world from nuclear war – but Leo Varadkar, Simon Coveney and an appallingly ungrateful Irish public have been pouring scorn on the would-be peace mission.
“Not happy” Kim Jong Un reportedly told advisors before playfully shooting a few of them. “I really want to meet Mr. Halligan. He seems nice. And Mr. McGrath is a hero of mine. And Mr. Ross intrigues me, he may be the only guy in the world with an ego as big as mine.”
Meanwhile, we’ve obtained an exclusive extract from the joint diaries of the fearless trio.
November 2017: Prevent nuclear war (on hold).
December 2017: Meet Santa Claus at North Pole for face to face talks about whether or not he is overworking his reindeers.
January-March 2018: Resolve Israeli-Palestinian conflict/get on Late Late Show.
April-May 2018: Referenced in the diary as “our biggest challenge, bar September” – take overall responsibility for Ireland’s Eurovision entry with a view to us winning again.
Summer 2018: Sort out HSE chaos and homelessness and reverse Climate Change.
September 2018: Take over running of Mayo team with a view to ending ‘Sam Maguire’ famine.
And, in a final comment on the unfolding crisis, a more reflective Kim Jong Un said: “Okay, I accept that the three lads might not get to make this trip – especially with the controversy it has stirred up – but is there any chance I could get to meet ‘Boxer’ Moran?”
The charge of the Lights Brigade ...
And so, once again, the charge of the Lights Brigade has begun.
While most of us were sleeping, the members of the Christmas Lights Committee in Roscommon town set about their work last Sunday morning, assembling at 8 am.
I’ve been speaking to some of the hard-working volunteers and they’ve asked if the People can send out an appeal for more help over the coming weeks. As our thousands of readers will know, the Christmas Lights in Roscommon town are a spectacular sight every year. There is a huge amount of work involved in maintaining, repairing and especially erecting these lights. It’s a massive voluntary effort but I have it on good authority that it’s great craic too, with lots of fun and some well-deserved socialising (just about) squeezed in.
The volunteers will be going out every Sunday morning from 8 am. Your help would be very much appreciated. If you can lend a hand or two, contact David Kearney on 086-8592121.