Having been part of a couple since I was 15 years old, I’ve never actually been on the so-called ‘dating’ scene. However, while watching a clip of ITV’s This Morning last week, I’ve come to the conclusion that, if you’re single, and of a certain age, (as in a fabulous mature lady), then dating twenty-first-century-style should probably be reserved for the extreme sports enthusiasts!
Yes girls, it seems, unless you’re a woman who’s prepared to lurk in dark corners, avoiding bright lights for fear they’ll show up your wrinkles, then those unattached minxes among us will probably either need to drastically alter their aging appearances, or channel the confidence of a daring trapeze artist willing to dive into the dating pool without the benefit of a safety net!
Yes readers, it appears once a woman reaches a certain milestone, something which I’m going to call the Menopause Treaty springs into action, cruelly reminding us the best before warranty on our worth has long expired, pulling the pin on the live grenade that was once our youthful beauty.
Now it’s not the grey roots that have ruffled my feathers this week, nay it’s a certain Dr. Linda Li, cosmetic surgeon extraordinaire, who works in association with an online dating site, Beautifulpeople.com where members brutally get to vote on whether or not new applicants are eligible to join… based on their looks alone!
Speaking on This Morning last week, Dr. Li callously informed presenter Ruth Langsford, who is, in my opinion, a stunningly attractive and highly intelligent middle-aged woman, that, if she were to join her dating site and was ‘rejected’ for not being ‘beautiful’ enough, not to panic; help was at hand. Whew!
While the doc didn’t actually tell Ruth her face had more lines than British Telecom, she rudely pointed out her “early signs of facial ageing,” her droopy “upper eyelid skin,” and her “smile lines, (which) are a little more prominent,” helpfully adding “we can soften all of that”. Aaaww bless, chin up Ruth hon; and, despite what Dr. Linda says…you do only have one of them!
Now where was this talented yet arrogant doctor when women like Ruth, me and the rest of the wrinkled female population were spending a fortune on miracle creams for our faces, stomachs, thighs and boobs that, having breastfed, now sit comfortably on our waists? Add in the fact that having painfully pushed out our brood, it’s likely our once solid pelvic floor muscles have become so stressed, we’ll never again be able to burst into a fit of laughter without first secretly contracting our vaginal muscles for fear we’ll accidentally pee ourselves!
While I’m sure this doctor was only offering her professional opinion, and is not, (as I shouted at the telly), the devil incarnate, (although, you could probably confuse them both in an identity parade), she did come across as being overcritical and dismissive of older women, especially when, in a voice that sounded more like a rusty hinge, she touted for business by delivering the final blow, saying when women age, “it becomes more and more difficult to maintain a slim figure, so when we disrobe, it may make us more comfortable to have a slimmer figure and liposuction is a great way to do it”.
And there was me thinking that spraying on the fake tan as though I was Michelangelo would make me look more desirable in a nightie; when, in actual fact, it probably settles in my wrinkles, making me resemble an over-ripe mango!
So much for going about life thinking hubby adored me for my lived-in look, when, in fact, he’s probably only attracted to my cryptic crossword solving abilities; and, if I want to hang onto him, (in the face-lift specialist’s opinion), I’ll need to hop off that hamster wheel of oblivion, have my entire head cosmetically removed and join her Beautifulpeople.com dating site!
Yes ladies, it appears that once we reach middle age and the kids have left home, unless we reassess our critical failure measures, (i.e. our time-worn skins), our have-it-all-dream will turn into a lift-it-all-nightmare. I’ll tell you this, if the ESB could have harvested the steam rising from my body during that interview, Roscommon’s energy problems would be forever solved.
Allow Gardaí the scope and space to get to know us as a community
An Garda Síochána remained the big story last week. This was due to the findings of The Future of Policing in Ireland Report coming up with 50 radical recommendations, which it suggests should be implemented over what I’d imagine to be a pretty narrow four-year timeframe.
As our police force was founded nearly a century ago by my hero Michael Collins, and on the 8th August, (which, coincidentally is my birthday), I’d assume it’s going to take a lot longer to change a culture that’s been growing steadily for such a long time.
In addition, if these findings are to be taken seriously and not join all of the other expensive recommendation-filled reports gathering dust in filing cabinets around the country, then an independent individual must be tasked with overseeing them.
However, throwing in my own tuppence worth of insight into the mix here, I’d urge the government (and the public) to start cooperating with An Garda Síochána and to treat them as the community focused and friendly professionals they clearly are.
We need to return to a time when our Gardaí were allowed the scope and the space to be able to knock on our doors, introduce themselves, and get to know us, and not just as the citizens they’ve sworn to protect, but as locals who are ready to offer them the cooperation and the respect they so richly deserve.